My hands smell of rubber gloves when I get home.
It takes a few scrubs to get back to normal and even then my skin feels different from the moisture held in all day.
My face feels like it has a permanent mask on, even when I take it off.
My mind goes over all the things I’ve touched that day that so many others have placed their fingers upon.
Each object carries the blessings of a thousand finger prints, I bless them and move on.
I’ve touched money and change.
Ive been hosed down by laughter, worries and forceful uncovered coughs.
Ive sanitized and re-sanitized and sanitized again, been sprayed by the mouths of bitching people who are in their fears and worry because they don’t understand this new world. They tell me something else of course but underneath I feel their pain, resistance to the change. It used to sound like I’m upset because, now no matter what they say I hear I just want some extra love.
Now I see their love easier as it comes through just in that understanding and if it doesn’t, I run (kidding).
I never got a lot of headaches but now after a long day they’ve happened. Sometimes I listen to what my headaches have to say, sometimes nothing and with the mere act of listening to the pain, tears fall from my face.
So many people, such close encounters. I’ve touched a lot of fingertips. I’ve had things thrown towards me so people wouldn’t have to come too close.
I’ve had my own quiet outbursts of fear, run to my car as my heart rate would raise with every cough I made, clearing of the throat or breath that seemed shallow and prayed to know what to do. Do I go back in, do I rest, am I fine, what am I feeling? Has my breathing always been like this or is it different?
The answer always having been so far, slow down, take deep breaths until my heart slows down, go in again.
Sometimes I stand in front of people and my mind is going off like spark plugs and a rush comes through me like a river, ohh my God is this just too much coffee or do I have it, and I make each breath deeper than the next just to make sure. But I stand in front of each person quietly as if nothing were happening and say, hello, how are you?”
My mind is a new world of possibilities, where it used to be filled with other kinds of thoughts it is now filled with COVID related exposure fears.
The one thing that remains the same, my gratitude, love and sending light to those that enter it, but now I send harder, love faster and think of things I’m grateful for quicker.
As We Transform Into Gods
As we transform into Gods everything around us becomes an ancient psalm,
Repeating itself into a blessing over and over
Every thought turns into a decision left up to God
We don’t think but do
We place things into love, light and spirit and we sort of end up somewhere
Somewhere where we are meant to be
We begin to walk in a presence that isn’t ours as each movement becomes like an ancient story being told
Each touch turns into a journey into God
Each thought a universe of discernment to the clarity of our heart
We become ever expanding Gods
Transversing a union of ourselves and heaven
Clearing a path more holier than before
Our bodies become temples and each atom a house filled with a new lesson as we transform each cell into love
As we walk inside ourselves through the halos of an ancient Psalm.
But alas I stand there and am so human with my thoughts of men, art, life, love, and the not so reality of this human civilization.
Coming back to say how can I be here and there at the same time?
And I begin with hello.
💜💜💜💗💜💜💜
LOVE,
- LIZ