The Flash of Acceptance

      So today is January 1st and I’m not sure how I feel yet. Yesterday was a day of crying, and felt just spiritually painful. For me when I grow spiritually it can feel at times deeply uncomfortable on all levels. Sometimes it hurts so much and yesterday it was one of those days. I cried a lot and all sorts of memories came up. I remembered a boy I had a crush on in high school and the pain of him liking my friend and not me. I remember reading a letter from him and it saying how he wasn’t attracted to me but he would try to be with me and the confusion of that and not knowing what to do so I did nothing. I remembered the pain of all the other men I felt rejected by and how a lot of them would like my friends and not me and how confusing that was.

Image by me

     Also how I had developed a habit of rejecting myself when I perceived others would whether boys, friends or family. So last night I went out dancing and all I wanted was to party after a day of crying endlessly like a purge. So as I see it I have two options now, to keep going for what I feel called to do even though it has seemingly brought me so much pain and hurt or start partying all the time, well how about a little of both? Maybe this year is about mixing it up finding balance and having fun.  I always think I need to do one extreme or the other and that can be brutal either way. Finding balance isn’t always easy because it’s so individual and unique for each person. Can I make this year about eating my cake and having it too, well for me it’s raw pumpkin pie but that’s beside the point.

Image by me

 It may come in a flash how you see everything come together but sometimes that little flash of seeing how everything works can be the shift of a lifetime. You mean I’ve spent my whole life suffering and now I get a flash and that’s it?!  Yup, that one little flash of watching your old life of suffering merge into acceptance after a lifetime of negative thinking could have been your graduation into freedom. And in Spirit freedom is celebrated throughout all of creation. So take your nanosecond of acceptance and cherish it, nurture it and watch it grow.....

The Flash of Acceptance

Cannot be missed

Daisy on a sunny day being sun-kissed

When you walk down the street and get that feeling 

That in a moment joy does bring

All your life together 

So pure like 

Free falling down hill on a fast bike.

with love,

-Liz 

*Prints of all photography available upon request

Frozen Memories That Life Does Remedy.

Frozen Memories

photos and poem by me

Frozen memories, shiny towers of bone like memories

I look down from those high above places on my tippy toes with fishnet laces

I remember you true blue those flower showers that nobody knew

Toes and fingertips I blow a kiss to you, as they freeze into memories holding onto the new

Deep in my house I turn about spinning with those frozen roses

As the water fall does spout dampening all my gentle poses. 

Sliding down those icey places in my shoes with frozen laces

All of me is getting cold preserving those thoughts that feel so old

photo by me

Shining down from those high above places

Sun burning into these icy cold flowers faces

But it can’t seem to penetrate those hard frozen cases water does satiate

In this moment I think in my head of all those roses I left for dead

Turning point for those safe places in my mind ice creates those spaces

Turning down from that high above view now I carry these frozen memories to you

Here you go a block of ice, kiss it and freeze that kiss so nice

So I can remember who you were and in the moment feel the love of the one I adore

Kiss you deep from those frozen places as I open up those spaces

As that hot rose begins to beam, melting ice from deep within it's seams

The sun still kept deep within those hot rose vessels, those seeds sewn deep where hot sun still nestles

Planting love now from those places, frozen daisy’s loose their faces

For as the ice begins to melt they turn brown and whither with your feelings you felt.

Those withering feelings cry out loud let me go and it lifts like a shroud

Icy melting watery drops as my heart melts non-stop

All over the cement this once cold liquid heats with my heart poured all over the city streets.

All photographs by Liz Bagish 

(All photographs for sale)

Shifting My View Of Myself One Memory at a Time.

I used to think I was so ugly and unattractive in highschool, I wanted so badly to be the perfect skinny girl. I seemed to surround myself with gorgeous people and hide behind them. I was so insecure about how I looked. Now I’ve healed a lot of that and things look a lot different and I’ve learned not dwell in the past or let it pull me down but use it to lift me up instead and transform me. I was never what I thought I was and equated so much of my confidence with how I was supposed to look because that is what felt important then. I just wanted to hide under my skin all the time under my overweight body. I was so afraid of ever being seen. It was like I sat within what I thought was the darkness of myself. Learning to love my body hasn’t been easy and has taken time and training.  I am still learning so much from it and it’s scary to share about. What has taken presidence over all of it has been learning to be peaceful within myself. When I focus on the peace I can see how far I’ve come and where I’m going. 

Each memory of who we thought we were can be released if we let it.  It takes courage to even think about healing yourself.

Photo by me. 

Drama Meter

Cartoon by me. 

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms chances are your suffering from too much drama and it's time to refocus your attention into the positive. 

Some ways I do this are: 

-Focus on the positive

-Think of the things I want more of in life

-Do anything creative  

-Write 

-Jump up and down  

-Forgive yourself  

All these things are some of the ways I hold a more positive focus to see clearer and create more of what I would like to experience in my life.  If you don't know what that is yet that's okay too, be patient with yourself.  There's so many ways you can stop when things start to feel "too much," and redirect your attention. Trust yourself and remember to be gentle with yourself through all of it and use everything to learn from so you can set yourself free.

Cartoon by me  

Listening

Listening is the subtle awakening of a voice that is not you,

Coming through you like your traveling through time.

Little time does it waiste and it screams during the situation in your face,

At a tiny little message in a tiny little bottle thrown across the sea finding it's way as it floats alone under the stars.

Water splashes against the glass holding it delicately as it travels somewhere,

Unknown to a girl in a window that's always known it was there.

But did not think of it as God blows the wind and the water pushes against the stars,

And the moon pulling the sea closer to the land in every moment calling this message to you ever closer ever closer.

It moves towards you as you are in the process of creating a thought,

Back into your body closer and closer it's coming but you never know when.

Then all of a sudden pop back into your heart,

Listen breathe listen breathe it pulls you but your not sure of what it is.

Do you follow it or keep doing what your doing, do you listen or keep talking?

Stop Stop Stop it says.

Do you have the self control to do what it is telling you,

Stop, just hold like a balloon floating through space as you put the ice cream and cookies down on the register and say,

I don't want this I'm sorry, and walk away,

Put your keys in the ignition and drive home.

Listen

"I am loving my body," 18X12" mixed media and gold leaf on canvas, .  for sale..

Poem by me.

Power in the little things.

Tiny little treasures. If you take three little things in your life that seem useless to be grateful for, you can begin to see how they have in some way supported you in getting to where you are. When you can see the magic in how each object brought you closer to what you wanted you can shift into a knowing that the universe is supporting you and working for you to help you create your life the way you want it to look. Then every thought, object and experience can become a learning on how to uplift in a greater way. .

Love and light,

-Liz

The Light Within

"The light within." Acrylic on Canvas 14X11". Today my intention is to be more confident. For some reason it feels so uncomfortable to share when I don't feel confident. It takes so much courage to be vulnerable in this world. Yet being courageous and sharing my truth is strengthening and brings more confidence. It's so interesting how that works. Just being honest can free up energy. Sometimes it can be as simple as saying, I'm not not sure about how I feel. Others will try and place meaning on your experience,but the strength and courage you've built up in being vulnerable will always help you see your own truth and hold the light within you. 

Intention and Love

So my weekend started with walking into a random mostly empty sushi shop in Los Angeles and seeing a very famous celebrity singer. Being as I'm not too shy and just curious how they become successful usually, I kindly asked her if it was alright if I spoke to her as not to invade her space. She was sweet and asked me where I was from. I told her about where I lived in Los Angeles then I asked her how she became so successful. To my surprise her answer was just this, "intention" one of my favorite words. I thought wow this is something I work with all the time. I asked her how long it took her to become successful and she said ten years. After some more brief conversation she left. The next day I  had a class I attended through the weekend. In this particular class we work a lot with intention but the intentions are not really about the world i.e. becoming famous or successful in the world, they are more of inner intentions that we work on to have greater clarity within ourselves. Something I work with is being an artist that has so many outlets picking one can be a great struggle. Not that I have to pick one but if I don't I usually tend not to do any. A lot of the intentions I set are about direction or happiness and self acceptance or having greater abundance which could show up in a plethora of ways. Also because I am creative in all these artistic areas I often worry what if one area doesn't fit with another and I won't  be taken seriously? Does comedy fit with spirituality? Is my art good enough? What if people don't like my music? I question myself constantly instead of putting myself out there sometimes. When I set intentions  such as to love my life just as it is or honor that my process is in the perfect place it needs to be for my learning and growth I can quiet my mind until I have clear direction. It seems pretty perfect my weekend would play out the way it did and I'm not sure entirely what it means and I don't need to.  The key point is that I learned something from every moment and am loving myself in an even greater way no matter where I am or what I'm doing in this world. This way I can relax and let go, surrender and not measure happiness by success or compare myself to others.

"Delicate Awakening" photo by me. 

Creating a New Way of Celebrating Thanksgiving

This is my Thanksgiving post from yesterday. I was too shy to put it up but today's a new day..

Today I worked but I wasn't proud of myself. Today I smiled at work but I didn't feel free.

Today I stayed with the masses while everyone was at their dinners but I couldn't be proud of myself.

Today I stood alone and cracked jokes so all the people that came in sad would feel better.

Today I handed out little pieces of paper in which I wrote, "you are love, " and gave it to everyone that felt sad and after work was over I went home. The thing is I didn't feel alone or depressed or anything negative and I judged myself for that too. Then I realized today I was a warrior for those who needed it. I learned that serving isn't always just about going to a 3rd world country or just feeding the homeless serving can be disguised as a job of any form and it can be right where you are. As I went home I wondered what kind of person I am to work on Thanksgiving and not care about the normal traditions that are celebrated and I vacillated between knowing if I should feel sad or happy. Then I thought about all those people I saw smile back or laugh when they had too be alone on Thanksgiving, the little old men without families and the girl whose mother was in the hospital, the woman who started tearing up because she was having a hard day or all of about 10% of people who expressed their dislike of the holiday. That's right about 90% of people are not happy about the Holiday. I thought about all those people who looked into my eyes with Gratitude at the gift I had given them and I lifted up. So today this was my experience and I choose to feel proud and I choose to lift my head up high because today was a new style of Thanksgiving that I choose to claim as just as good. Today my Thanksgiving is in not Judging myself for doing it a little different.

Hope you all have a good Holiday wherever you are.

"Reflections" 2016, Acrylic on Paper

Awakening into a Greater Love in the Midst of Chaos.

As I work in a very public place I see hundreds of people a day. I am in the midst of the public so I get to hear a lot of what different people are experiencing. Ever since the debates started everyone's been more irritable this upset more irritable energy has come at me and was apparent everyday I was there. What I witnessed was that each person was in a world of their own. It's like everyone's filters and experiences and view was so different of what I perceived was happening. The one thing I did notice and spoke about with a few people was a view from a creative stand point. That view was this, during this election process something was being unearthed in all of us. When we spoke it was about how it was an awareness of how we create as a whole. When I talked to people we talked about the books we read in high school with dystopian futures with a tyrant at the helm where everyone was watched and people weren't allowed to feel, books like 1984, and Farenheight 451, and Brave New World. These were the books and movies that we loved that made huge impacts on our lives and molded who I am at least. What I noticed when talking to them was that there is awakening happening, this looked like an awareness of a collective consciousness and ability to create from that consciousness that we never knew we had. I feel like it's also an opportunity to look on all things that have happened to us in our lives as perfect in our learning process on this planet. I know I'm learning that there are things out of our control and leading us and guiding us perfectly into a new spiritual evolution. I'm not a scholar or expert on the subject however, I have a view point as an artist with a spiritual practice. I look at it as an opportunity for at least me to look back on my existence and send love to every part. I feel like we are awakening into a knew age of greater love compassion and awareness and the knowledge of our creative consciousness as a whole. I also think its a reminder that our outer surroundings don't have to effect our inner beauty and love and the freedom is within. 

Love and light to all of us.. ❤️️❤️️

"Happy Halloween" ink on paper by me 

Failing my way to the top

My job, my main job in my life is being happy right now and as a part of that I took a physical job a while back, this is a job that may not seem so pretty to others and part of me is really afraid of sharing about it. The people and experiences I have are often times so surprising to me yet I use them to uplift myself at the same time. I experience many behaviors of humans I didn't even know existed up until now. I've seen a whole new side of humanity at this job and although it does bring in extra income, I choose to look at it as a choice to be there and as a service to others. By service to others I mean and one example of this is setting intentions, one intention I set is to make each customer smile before they walk away and I usually attain that goal. People come in from all wakes of life, famous, homeless and anywhere in between. Yes thats my meter famous on one end and homeless on the other, it seems to fit for now:) I work in a heavy customer service position, I'm not going to say where but I look at it as all a part of my journey, my art and my expression.  As I create my life in a bigger way my sharing this is a part of my learning how to find the perfection and beauty in the lessons from this job so I can look at it as a blessing instead of seeing it or myself as being less than because I may not be exactly where I want to in life yet.  I choose in every moment to find the greater blessing in each person, situation and experience I have.  Today I am grateful to be as creative as I am for it's amazing being able to look at everything as a perfect expression of me and my art and not as something that doesn't look the way it should.  So in essence I will leave you with this story of one of my interactions;

A very famous actor and his girlfriend came in, I won't say who but he is the lead in a super hero film franchise and his girlfriend an actress. As they came up to me I asked them how they were, they replied fine and asked how I was, for some reason I blurted out, "just failing my way to the top one dead end job at time." They looked at me and said nothing not even a blink, let alone a laugh. I stared at them uncomfortably and said, "just kidding I love my job." Still nothing, "tough crowd I replied." A screaming customer then ran up them telling them they were a fan. When the customer left I quietly asked them, "do you get embarrassed when that happens?" they replied yes actually I do. I smiled and said okay and finished the transaction and they left.

Mark Twain said, 

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
- Mark Twain's Notebook

Alright I pulled that quote off the internet pretty fast and I often do feel insecure about fame and popularity, just today I was feeling immense jealousy thinking about all the people that are leading exciting lives, or their lives seem more thrilling than mine. The thing is I'm learning to accept my life just the way it is and myself and utilize my unique expression. In that process of acceptance I am learning that all the insecurities and doubts I have are all perfect and a part of my experience and learning on this planet and that helps me stay inspired.  

Love and Light,

-Liz 

The Labyrinth and the cello

I walked a labyrinth with my cello today. I set an intention and walked. I asked for the clearing of negativity in my life and for clarity on my next steps. I kept walking and I felt a bit clearer like my life was unwinding around me. I started to see the perfection in it all and as I got closer to the center I began to question why I often feel so frightened to share myself with the world. One reason because I judge myself and my life for not looking the way I think it should yet. But the truth is all I can do is keep going and doing and let go of the things I think I want because maybe the universe has something better for me. Also if I let go of what I want, trust and be grateful for what I have then I can make space for greater abundance in my life however that will look. The lesson I learned today was about self-worth and that it's not about what others think or do but being true to myself in my unique expression in every moment, whether through music or art, humor or just a smile. Thought I would share..:)have a wonderful day. 

Photography by me

Finding the perfection in every moment

Sometimes poetry flows through me, inspiration can come from a leaf on the floor, a fleeting thought, a drive down an LA street or just a moment that evokes thoughts or emotions. I took this image on an LA street and I just decided to put down my thoughts and this came out.

     "LA has a million stories happening all at once, bouncing off the light of the universe I gasp. Can I learn to love it all or will I start to fall fall fall? Maybe you've heard them all, LA is the story above all the buildings rising tall. Moving slowly through the universe, I hear a call. Maybe it's the beginning of my story maybe this is the time I win. Could it be the end of this life of sin. The sin is the light, the light is in the sin. As I chant to my universe just let me win win win."

Photo by me

Forgiveness

I made a big portrait about a year ago and I became so afraid to create another big one because of how well I thought the first one turned out. I couldn't believe what came out of me. Ive found it can be challenging to want to be creative through not only your own personal doubts but also when going through challenging life situations. I mean how do you give yourself the confidence through all of these things to keep going? It takes great courage to risk lifting yourself and starting all over again whether it's any form of creativity a painting or piece of music or whatever. I've found one way to keep going is forgiveness. While making this painting I did that. I forgave myself for all the judgements I had on myself and others and on any situations even the one of not wanting to paint. Art is healing on its own and the mixture of art and forgiveness is even more so in my perception no matter how the piece turns out in the end.

With love,

-Liz

Celebrate Yourself  !! xoxo

-Painting, Acrylic on canvas, 3'X3'